One, two, three...
Sweet music.
Step step step, point to front.
Curve to the right 3x
One big curve to the left.
Snap shoulders 5x
Chage music. UPBEAT.
Jump. Airsplit.
3 turns
Fierce pose
Tumbling 3x
After this dance performance, all my eyes could render me is an environment of charcoal black. I had to close my eyes.
As I reopen them, I see a blur. That familiar blur they show on TV. Not that blur which covers exposed private parts though as I am well covered right now. I can feel the cloth wrapped around me but I had to do something more important than check my garb. I looked around after regaining my clear eyesight. I saw a familiar but unfamiliar view. I see them a lot in movies but this is the first time I'm seeing them in reality. I see a ceiling of white with faces surrounding me. They wore this beautiful forced smile with matching teary eyes. They said they're glad that I'm okay. I thought, but I always was.
Suddenly it dawned on me, this feeling so unusual. I felt anaesthesia for a second or two before I felt my human body again. They are right, I wasn't okay.
There were seemingly eternal knocks on the door and that familiar click-the sound of photographs taken. Just like how you would react I suppose, I wanted to get up from my bedsore. But I can't. I just can't. I checked my body out and all I see is a white hospital uniform. For patients that is. For patiends that are ill. I can see the braces on my knees. My heart felt softer than ever. I felt all the rejections everyone has given me in the past, all together, right this moment. I didn't know what to think.
I'm fine I guess. I dared not to ask questions encompassing the words permanent, possible, back to normal, when, and dance. To be honest, I didn't feel like talking but I did not desire to be sad and sorrowful too. A piece of my heart tells me I missed them though I have the slightest clue of how long I have been away--away from the normal and healthy me.
I never knew how useful my hands were. I could hold my nieces' jolly white faces, the hands of my Dad and Mom, the shoulder of my older sister, and the knuckles (when you fist bump) of my sister's husband. Know that I am in denial of my condition, I'm loving everything that I can, all good things I can see, and ooh this red wonderful fresh apples I can hold. Yummy! as I bite a piece and pieces of it.
I was living a 5-hour optmistic life when the doctor came in. My heart felt nervous as if it was expecting the saddest news.
I was in denial then chose to be optimistic but reality still has to partake. I discovered, not that it was one great important discovery... The 7,000th cartwheel in my life took the life out of my legs. Paralysis is a word I only read before. Never did I know that it would become my future. I listened so eagerly, tried to smile because alas I now understand what has been happening, optimistic about what'll happen next but the small pinching sensation slowly grows in my heart. My optimism overcame it, thankfully.
It's been 3 months and I instantly befriended my magical kinetic chair and you may want to picture quite large wheels on the sides. I can no longer dance but it was okay. Maybe I have to trudge a different but more beautiful path. It has to be that, doesn't it?
2 more months and I am already so used to this. There were nights when my room felt so large and I felt so distant from the floor but tomorrow was still exciting.
My spirit was courageous enought to check the outside world out. I would frequent this coffee shop and feel special because of my condition. The staff were extra nice to me and people smiled at me and I could feel their good hearts communicate with mine, assuring me that this is okay.
It is, okay. I grew muscles due to my all-time navigation of this ship I ride on land. I have not been practicing dance moves out doors so I'm colored radiant now instead of the usual haggard look. I can also wear clothes that don't get sweaty a lot or for at least, they no longer smell sweaty my Mom would say, and they look well ironed all the time. I now have more time for those things I had none before. In connection to that, I have more time to think about someone. This is the part of the story when you can imagine me blushing. As I look into the mirror, I see red domes beside my nose. Whenever I imagine her face, I get this "aww" feeling from my heart. Her name is the most melodious word. Believe me and hear for your self, Cambree (Keymbree). I could make a song out of it. It could be the only lyric and I feel like it would still sound fantastic.
I would smile at her and she would shyly look away. There are lots I have noticed about her. We became friends and I was so happy. Then that scary moment came. My legs impeded me from having her. She was so high up there, so distant. I just couldn't follower. I did good in convinvcing myself that I'm fine, I as good but situations like this remind me of the very reason why I am unfortunate.
The same has been happening 3 times now. I began thinking that love isn't for me. I am just to get good on this new thing I'm doing, learn to live independently, support my family, and just carry on with life. Alone.
There is a small voice from my heart though that I continually disregard. I neglect it until the day I can rejoice because it is gone. It has been shouting but now it can only whisper that someone out there may accept who I am wholly. I could dream of this or the almost impossibility that I can regain my ability to walk.
I'm just glad there are plenty of reasons to be happy despite this.
I leave the matter to time.
Sincerely,
Knight.
